Thursday, August 25, 2005

Depressing Geek Thought of the Day

So, as we're all well aware, 'The Muppet Show' introduced us to Scooter, the gofer. The equally seminal cartoon, 'Muppet Babies', was a prequel to 'The Muppet Show', and introduced Scooter's (presumably) sister, Skeeter.

Whatever happened to Skeeter?

Because she was around when they were kids, but she wasn't there for the glory days in the Muppet Theatre. She wasn't around when Kermit got his own TV network for 'The Jim Henson Hour', nor for 'Muppets Tonight'. She wasn't seen in any of the movies. Somewhere between their young, idealistic days as carefree youths, and their time at the top, Skeeter just...vanished.

There are any number of suspects. Gonzo...what can you say, the man is known as being erratic, unstable, and having bizarre sexual tastes. Fozzie--sure, he's cute, cuddly, nice, and funny. But he's a bear. Did nature simply rear its ugly head sometime during Muppet Puberty? ("Muppet Teens" would be an entire depressing geek sitcom in and of itself.) Miss Piggy is known for having a violent temper and not caring for other women--did she decide Skeeter was growing too close to Kermit? And, of course, no list of suspects could possibly be complete without including known psycopath Animal.

But, of course, Skeeter might have nobody to blame but herself. She might have drifted in with the wrong crowd. While Scooter was hanging out at the Muppet Theatre, Skeeter might have been hanging out in the back alley giving blowjobs to furries in exchange for a hit of cheap cotton stuffing and some yarn. From there, the inevitable slide to freebasing googly eyeballs and overdosing on foam rubber led her to a stay in Hazelton, but her attempt at carving out her own identity as an entertainer went nowhere. Skeeter was probably found dead in a hotel room at age 24, and we didn't even notice the obit because who pays attention to junkie puppets these days?

Skeeter, the forgotten Muppet. There but for the Grace of Jim go we all.


Stuart Douglas said...

You were right - Hell's firey embrace does await you, John.

Anonymous said...

Oh, dear... Of course, because I've never seen Muppet Babies, I never knew about Skeeter in the first place. But that's no excuse to step over the unseen bodies of puppet's fallen by the wayside.

jam_master_jason said...

Remember "The Facts of Life" Seasons One and Two, when Molly Ringwald played one of the girls? And then vanished for the rest of the show into her own little pocket John Hughes universe, never to be mentioned again?

Well, Skeeter with her red pigtails, was based on Molly Ringwald.

True story.