Thursday, February 22, 2007

Post-Civil War Predictions

So, the dust has settled, the smoke has cleared, and the Civil War is over. Captain America is in prison, Iron Man is in charge of SHIELD (and by extension, every super-human in the United States), and Registration is the law of the land! Huzzah...wait a second, doesn't that kind of seem like a depressing ending? And doesn't it kind of mean that the entire seven issues were a complete waste of time? Oh, well. It sold, right?

So now the obvious question is, "What happens next?" Here it is, my absolute infallible predictions on the future of the Marvel Universe post-Civil War.

Within five issues, Captain America will either break out or be broken out of the Negative Zone prison. Probably, he'll be the "new Ronin" they're talking about in the pages of 'New Avengers', since the "take up a temporary identity" gimmick is one they've done before for Cap, and it makes a certain amount of sense; he doesn't want to restart the big war, and Cap's a big, tangible symbol of the Resistance. But he's obviously not going to stay in prison for long, because he's got his own series.

Within two years, it will be revealed that Iron Man is either mind controlled, an impostor, or just plain went insane. It will be further revealed that he orchestrated the explosion at Stamford, CT (by maneuvering either the heroes, the villains, or both into that spot) to create the furor that pushed the SHRA into law, all to consolidate super-heroes under his personal control. There'll be another big crossover, Iron Man will be defeated, and the SHRA will be repealed now that everyone sees how dangerous it is to give so much power to one man.

Within five years, there will be a tremendously unconvincing storyline in which Peter Parker pulls a scam to make everyone think that the revelation of Spider-Man's identity was, in turn, a scam; everyone will believe this new scam hook, line, and sinker, allowing Peter to return to his old job at the Daily Bugle.

Within seven years, if Tony Stark was revealed to have just plain gone insane, it will at this time be revealed that he was either mind controlled or an impostor all along, and the real/normal Tony Stark will come back as Iron Man.

Within ten years, Aunt May will be back from the dead, if she was in fact fatally wounded and not just wounded at the end of the latest issue of Spider-Man.

In other words, my prediction for 'Civil War'? In ten years, it'll be as if none of it ever happened. Because there's either two options here. Either one, this is Act One of a grander story that will end with a return to the status quo, or two, Marvel's editorial staff has just made a colossal mistake that they will spend the next decade burying.

You decide!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Captain America is going to die in Cap#25

Dylan said...

Here's my prediction: About eight months ago, I stopped caring about all of this. It's like I could hear Fonzie revving his motorcycle engine while the sharks circled their tank when the idea for this was pitched.

I have no patience for "super-mega-line-wide crossovers that change the universe like, FOREVERS!" to begin with, as it's just a shameful bleeding of the fanboys - and this was as transparent a cash-grab as they come - but this one really wore out its welcome. It's totally turned me off to the core Marvel books, so I guess I'm stuck with the few fringe Marvel books I'm reading as well as the ghost of Nextwave, aka: "Awesome Incarnate." I'll take sexually-repressed Fin Fang Foom's and killer baby M.O.D.O.K.s over Clors any old day.

But anyway, anybody else excited for World War Hulk? I hear it's going to change the newly-changed post-Civil War Marvel universe that was just changed last summer by the Decimation, like FOREVERS! Should I just mail Marvel my money now, or do I have to wait until summer to be disappointed?

John Seavey said...

If, in fact, Cap is going to die in Cap #25, he'll be back within ten years. Ten years is like the outer boundary for awful revamps; it's how long it takes for comics audiences to get the bad taste out of their mouths and be ready to pay attention again.

plok said...

This is the kind of conjecture that makes me wonder if I'm a typical old-fogey fan, because another hard restart of Marvel might wear me out of reading their comics for a decade or more...and yet if there isn't one, and soon, odds are I'll be gone for good.

And what if there are a lot more like me out there?

Anonymous, part of me really hopes you're another disgruntled Marvel employee spilling the beans online, because I have a powerful desire to see the current editorial regime fail, and if they kill Captain America off as a stunt I believe they will fail miserably, and alienate many, many readers for a good long time. And, if they kill him off, but not as a stunt, I believe they will alienate many, many readers permanently. I for one won't be sticking around for any ten years to see if they bring him back. Ridiculous thought! I, for one, am getting older, and don't have that kind of time to waste.

And, what if I'm not the only one?

John, I suspect your projected timeline may get squeezed a bit in the upcoming months. At least, I hope it will. It all depends on whether Marvel's "shock 'em" tactics result in a sales drop, obviously. Well, sales for everybody are dropping off all the time, the whole world knows that...but if Marvel's sales plunge below the average downward slope, heads will doubtless roll, because after all, comic fans are like land: they're not making any more of 'em.

It's kind of like global warming in reverse: bringing Cap back in five years may create a relatively large sales spike then, but it might not cover the money he could've made even as a mediocre seller in the time he was away. But what do I know. I only know that Marvel's driving me away more and more every month, that's all I know.

plok said...

HA!

You know, I had a feeling that Anonymous joker was on the level.

Well, there we go, eh?

Anonymous said...

Here's my prediction:

Within 25 years, due to the massive incompetence of Marvel and DC from circa 1990-present, comics will cease to exist as a medium.

plok said...

Hey, you've got a perfect record so far, man...