Monday, November 09, 2009

Fun Games With Old Comics

The old "Official Handbook to the Marvel Universe" used to list all sorts of information about every single Marvel character, good or bad. And when I say "all sorts", I mean all--they listed every single bit of trivia they could find, no matter how irrelevant. Height, weight, eye color...

And oddly enough, they listed "Profession" for every single Marvel character. All of them. This leads to a fun mental game you can play if you get a hold of back issues of the OHttMU--picture the guy who makes business cards for Marvel comics characters.

"Yeah, make mine 'Criminal'. No, make that 'Professional Criminal'--I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm an amateur or something."

"Doom's order shall read, 'Ruler of Latveria'. Can you have those ready in time for the embassy ball tomorrow?"

"Just put 'God'. The Odinson would like that embossed, too, please."

"Um, let's see. 'Professional photographer', of course, and...hmm. 'Superhero' is probably too much of a giveaway, and I've already had to make a deal with Satan once to hide my secret identity. How about 'Adventurer'? With any luck, they'll just think I'm one of those D&D geeks who still lives with his aunt."

"How about 'World Conqueror'? What do you mean, 'You haven't conquered anything yet'? No, no, fine. Put 'Would-Be World Conqueror'. You are so going to be in trouble when I conquer the world, buddy..."


Anonymous said...

Actually, what does Captain America do for a living(Steve that is, not Bucky)? Do the government just give him money to wander about being American?

chiasaur11 said...

Well, at one point he drew Captain America comics.

So there's that.

John Seavey said...

Cap does not get paid by the government (in fact, at one point, he quit being Captain America rather than let it become an official government job.) He's held lots of jobs over the years, from policeman to artist on "Captain America".

(The idea is that in the Marvel Universe, the more public super-heroes actually license authorized comic book versions of their own stories, and meet on occasion with the writers/artists to relate their adventures. Which is why John Byrne wound up being teleported to the trial of Reed Richards in the Shi'ar galaxy.)

(No, really. That happened. FF #262.)