Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Strange Things I Find Myself Saying

I'm writing this blog on my lunch break at work, due to a catastrophic virus that has reduced my laptop to a paperweight until such time as I break down and reinstall the OS, and I find myself surprised at some of the conversations that go on. It's not a particularly exciting job, but somehow the discussions get actively strange. I'm not quite sure where it happens, either. One second I'm half-listening to a conversation on the merits of string cheese versus cottage cheese, the next I find myself speculating on whether or not cheese is actually a religion in Wisconsin, and if it is what the denominations might be.

I figure there's definitely Orthodox Cheddar, but is there a Reformed Mozarella? Perhaps a Seventh Day Gouda, established by a prophet who believed that the Armagorgonzolageddon was nigh at hand.

And what of the other faiths? Are yogurts considered to be pagan in the dairy world? Or do the nature-lovers worship milk, the original source of all other faiths?

And do these cheeses co-exist peacefully? Presumably they do, save for the Swiss. They're well-known for hole-y wars.

One thing I think everyone can agree on is that Velveeta considered to be the equivalent of Satanism. The antithesis of cheese, yet a cheese in and of itself, worshipped only by those who rebuke the whole concept of flavor itself. Hail Velveeta, the eternal and undying one!

Too many questions, not enough answers. Although it does answer why I get some strange looks at work...

2 comments:

downtown guy said...

Your Own Personal Cheeses

D. R. McLeod said...

I'm a lactose-intolerant Wisconsinite, which I guess makes me the equivalent of a Jew in Renaissance Europe. There are many days when I feel like Shylock, but with more diarrhea.