Saturday, August 26, 2006


Just a note to say I'll be on vacation for the ensuing week, and will probably not have an entry next week (and really, this is it for this week too, and it ain't much either. Then again, let's face it, none of this is exactly Shakespeare.)

So I leave you with this thought: Why, in this gender-equal world in which we live, do we not hear as much about teamstresses and seamsters as we do about teamsters and seamstresses? Misters and mistresses get equal time--although you don't really hear about a woman having an affair and keeping her "mister" in an apartment across the street--but the proud, hardworking teamstresses get nothing.

To say nothing of how even the most politically correct child doesn't check their pet's gender to determine whether to call it a hamster or hamstress...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Bestest Paradox Ever

November, 2002. The Oval Office. GEORGE W BUSH, the President, sits at his desk.


YOUNG GEORGE: Am I seeing double? You look more like me than my dad, or even my brother Jeb! And that's saying a lot!

OLD GEORGE: I am you--I'm from the future, the distant year of 2008. A man gave me a time machine, said I could use it to fix my mistakes and make the world a better place. So I came back to here to warn you not to invade Iraq. It'll be a huge mistake.

YOUNG GEORGE: Well, I dunno about that...all my experts have been telling me this should be a slam dunk.

OLD GEORGE: They're wrong! I know, I was there!

YOUNG GEORGE: Seems to me I've heard that kind of negative talk before--you can't focus on the filter, George. You gotta listen to the important stuff, like the things that Karl and Dick tell me. And they're saying that the invasion's gonna go great.

OLD GEORGE: But I'm telling you it'll go bad! Look, I even brought a newspaper! See, we fail miserably!

YOUNG GEORGE: Now, you know I never read the papers. I get all the news I need from my advisors. They do good work.

OLD GEORGE: But it's me! I'm you, and I'm telling you it fails! I was there! I saw it! You have to listen to me, I'm you!

YOUNG GEORGE: I think I'd rather listen to what my heart is telling me over what my future self is telling me.

OLD GEORGE: God, I was an idiot six years ago.

YOUNG GEORGE: Dunno what you're so smug about--which one of us screwed up the war in Iraq?

OLD GEORGE: Oh, that's it. Bring it on!

OLD GEORGE kills YOUNG GEORGE, then promptly vanishes from existence in a poof of temporal logic. Oval Office is vacant except for a dead YOUNG GEORGE.

MAN WITH TIME MACHINE: "Fix mistakes"...check. "Make world a better place"...check.

Friday, August 11, 2006

OK, Needs a Few Words

The post below is part of a fad that's been sweeping comics websites--Marvel's doing a big crossover called 'Civil War', in which their superheroes are divided over a controversial law that makes them register their activities with the government. Iron Man believes that it's important to regain the public trust, while Captain America calls it a violation of civil liberties. And Marvel decided to release little "banner" images you could put on your own website, one with a picture of Captain America that says, "I'm with Cap", one with Iron Man that says "I'm with Iron Man".

Then some guys modified the image to be a shot of Ms. Marvel...from behind...from about waist height...and changed the slogan to "I'm Following Ms. Marvel". It kinda ballooned from there.

The image below is part of my tiny contribution to the fad. I'd post the other two, but several people who read this still haven't seen Season Two, and I don't want to spoil a big plot twist.

So now you understand not just the context, but my allegiance. Because really, whichever side Doctor Who takes is the side that's going to win anyway.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Punk Comics Manifesto

Time, I think, to synthesize several thoughts I've been having about comics as a medium and an industry into a single statement. My hope is to get this read and seen as a movement--the Punk Comics Movement, if you will--however, I'm uncomfortably limited in my experience of starting movements, so I'll probably settle for posting this everywhere they won't take it down and hoping people pass it on. Which I freely give permission to do, by the way--I give anyone who wants permission to copy and repost this in any forum, anywhere, so long as the contents are unaltered. I'd like you to give me credit, but I'm sure it'll get dropped off somewhere along the line--that's OK, the ideas are more important, and if anonymity is the price of fame, then so be it.

The Punk Comics Movement can be summed up in two simple statements, one for the artistic side of comics, one for the business side. (Once you read these two statements, it may or may not be apparent to you why I'm calling it "punk comics".) The artistic Punk Comics Manifesto is, "Write this comic like it was the only one anyone was ever going to read." The business Punk Comics Manifesto is, "Everyone should be reading comics." Those two statements might seem mutually exclusive, but read on.

1. "Write this comic like it was the only one anyone was ever going to read." You can break this statement down into two parts--first, assume that the comic you're writing is the first one that someone has ever read, and second, don't expect them to be picking up the next one you write. A good comic should always be self-contained.

There was a time when this was virtually taken for granted in the comic industry. Reader turnover was considered to be complete every two years, and so it was assumed that anytime you wrote a comic book, you were writing it for an audience that didn't know about anything that happened more than two years ago. In addition, with spotty newsstand distribution, it was considered to be so difficult to follow a comic for more than a few months that issues had to be self-contained to avoid reader frustration. These two notions have been almost totally abandoned over the years; in much the same way Punk Rock went back to the roots of the genre and simplified the message, Punk Comics aims to do the same thing.

A. Assume the comic you're writing is the first one that someone has ever read. You should assume that, really--more than assume, you should hope it. You should always hope, as a writer, that every comic you write is attracting a new reader, at least one, and you should write with that new reader in mind. Which means that you have to, absolutely have to, write an issue that a first-time reader can pick up and immediately understand. If you're writing an issue of the Flash, make sure somewhere in that issue is an explanation of who the Flash is and what he's all about--it doesn't have to be long, or elaborate, but it needs to be there. If you're bringing back Electro, explain who he is and why he's dangerous--even just a brief, "Uh-oh, it's Electro again! Last time we fought, he nearly killed me with his electric blasts!" is better than no explanation at all. Characters with backstories so complicated they need elaborate, lengthy explanations (or worse, stories with no point beyond explaining backstories from existing characters) shouldn't be involved. Simplify, simplify, simplify, and assume that your reader knows nothing.

B. Don't expect them to be picking up the next comic you write. A comic takes an enormous amount of time and effort to produce, meaning that there's a substantial wait on the part of the reader for each individual comics story. Producing a story with no pay-off, a story that ends on a cliff-hanger, is essentially telling the reader, "This story is so special that it is worth an entire month of your time to wait for the ending." Producing a ten-part story is telling the reader, "This story is so special that it is worth ten months of your time and thirty dollars of your money to wait for the ending." That's a lot to ask of the reader, and you should do it only rarely.

Instead, the medium should fit the message. If you have a comics story that will be 200 pages long and paced like a novel, write it as a 200-page graphic novel. Don't break it down into ten 20-page chunks just to fit a century-old idea of how comics are sold. If you're publishing a monthly 32-page comic, put a pay-off in at the end of every thirty-two page issue, even if you're also establishing longer plot threads that will pay off more for the returning reader. If you're worried that you're providing a "jumping-off" point for people to stop reading, then you don't have enough faith in your writing talent. Tease them into buying more, yes; entice them, lure them, interest them. But don't expect their continued patronage, and certainly don't demand it by writing a story that never seems to end.

(And yes, people will point to Alan Moore or Neil Gaiman, both of whom wrote serialized graphic novels--but both Moore on Swamp Thing and Gaiman on Sandman had quite a few stand-alone issues, too. And, of course, with two exceptions, you're not Alan Moore or Neil Gaiman, so you probably can't get away with what they can.)

2. "Everyone should be reading comics." The comic book industry has sunk into a ghetto. Their marketing muscles have atrophied from long disuse, and they no longer even seem to have an awareness that there's a world outside of the comic store; they consider it a far-reaching, radical step to put their product in bookstores, in the little section for "graphic novels" that's being slowly edged aside by waves of better-marketed Japanese imports. This has to change.

The comic medium has the potential to be the most pervasive in the world. Comics combine the accessibility of television or film with the intellect and ability to express complex concepts of books. They should be able to display the same breadth of subject matter as books, as films, as any other medium out there. And yet, if you look at them now, they are predominantly action-adventure material of a single sub-genre (the superhero) exclusively sold in a single type of store. Whereas books are sold in grocery stores and drugstores, videos are sold in K-Marts and convenience stores, and magazine racks are in practically every store large enough to hold them.

Comics companies need to experiment with format, with price, with subject matter. Start a line of romance digest comics, paperback-sized, and sell them in bookstores next to the Harlequin Romances. Co-produce a line of educational comics with the makers of Cliff's Notes. Create magazine-sized "Treasury" comics that you can sell next to Disney Adventures and Nickelodeon Magazine. Market a line of teen fantasy comics to sell to the girls who buy Tiger Beat, and a boy's action comics line to sell in video game stores. Stop thinking that comics have to be 32 pages long, all the same length and width, and sold in comics stores to the fanboys. Readers are not going to walk through your door and demand your product. You must find them.

3. Conclusion: Comics need to be more accessible. To the writers, this means writing a comic that anyone can pick up and enjoy, not simply an infinitesimal fragment of a never-ending soap opera. To the publishers, this means putting the comic out where anyone can find it, where it is the perfect impulse purchase instead of the province of a dwindling number of devoted enthusiasts.

Punk Comics. This is a pen. This is a pencil. Now start your own.