Monday, April 05, 2010

How Wrong Is This?

On a scale of, say, one to ten, how wrong is it that I'm envisioning a remake of Lillian Hellman's classic play, 'The Children's Hour', that updates it for modern audiences as a wacky romantic comedy? In my revised version, Mary Tilford tries to get revenge on two of her teachers by spreading rumors that they're having a lesbian affair with each other, only to have the whole thing backfire when the community comes together to protest the school board's treatment of them and insist that they be allowed to stay. (There would, of course, be a humorous scene where the school board president tries to explain that they never had any plans to fire them to begin with, but nobody listens to him because they're all too busy being outraged at his intolerance.)

At that point, the whole school becomes involved, using the two teachers as a model for their classroom activities about diversity and tolerance. Both teachers continue to insist that not only are they not a couple, they're not even lesbians, but everyone just assumes that this is just a fear of persecution, and all they need is more unconditional support from everyone before they can be comfortable enough with their sexuality to come out of the closet. Wacky hijinks ensue, until both of the teachers finally start to wonder if maybe everyone else sees something that they didn't...

I figure you slap Bonnie Raitt's "Something To Talk About" over the trailer, cast Julia Stiles and Carey Mulligan as the teachers, and it's a guaranteed hit. (Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" playing over the end credits is optional.)

So, how wrong?


Arcane Nitehawk said...

Considering that my current 10 is "Molesting 200 deaf boys," I'd give it a 3.

Grazzt said...

I think Jill Sobule's "I Kissed A Girl" should take Katy Perry's place.