Friday, May 11, 2012

When Does Ashton Kutcher Tell Obama He Got Punk'd?

So who among us seriously thought that Mitt Romney would turn out to be a more toxic candidate than Newt Gingrich? I mean, it's only May, and we've already got stories circulating about him attacking gay teenagers with scissors. If 'The Onion' had written that headline, we'd all snort at its unbelievability. And this is after him talking about how he "loves to fire people", "[isn't] concerned about poor people", and that he doesn't watch NASCAR, but he knows lots of the people who own the teams. It's like he's running a bizarre piece of performance art in which he tries to see if conservatives will still vote for him even after he straps a dog to the roof of his car and goes for a drive.

At this rate, I'm just wondering where we'll go next...

June: "Breaking News: Romney Had Two 'Underperforming' Children Sold Off'

July: 'Three Additional Wives Found Imprisoned In Basement Of Romney Mansion'

August: 'Romney Admits To Third Horcrux, But Refuses To Disclose Its Location'

September: 'Romney Selects Davros For Veep'

October: 'Romney Discusses Plans To Strap Dog To Roof Of Air Force One'

November: 'Romney Takes Infant Hostage, Vows To Devour It If Not Elected'

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