Thursday, May 30, 2013

If a Sexist Comics Fanboy Locked You Up In a Jail Cell He Made Himself

YOU: I can't believe you locked me in this cell!

FAN: Look, I don't have time for your hysterical delusions. There's no cell here, okay? You're free to leave any time you like.

YOU: cell? What about all the freaking BARS?

FAN: Well, yes, there is a bar there. It's definitely something that I can agree with you on. But that bar was put there ages ago, and it's really a tradition by this point. I'd hate to get rid of it now. Besides, you can just go around it.

YOU: I can't "go around it", there's another bar right next to it.

FAN: Yes, that bar really is regrettable. I sincerely apologize for the existence of that bar. But you know, it's there now, and I don't want to take it back because then what would we learn from it? Let's just accept it's there, call it a learning experience, and go around it.

YOU: I can't go around it, dumbass. There's another bar next to that one, and they're spaced too narrowly for me to get between.

FAN: Whoa, what's with all the unwarranted hostility? I don't see how you can possibly expect me to take your arguments seriously if you won't discuss them civilly. I'm being perfectly polite to you--

YOU: Polite? YOU LOCKED ME IN A CELL! Look at these bars!

FAN: I acknowledge that bar as being problematic, yes. But let me play Devil's Advocate for a moment. How does that bar really impede your progress?

YOU: Um...because it forms part of the cage you've locked me in?

FAN: But you can just go around it. It's a minor obstacle, but you continue to treat it as a huge thing. Do you know that there are people out there locked in prisons made of big, obvious blocks of stone? And all you can do is complain about these thin pieces of metal. It's really very selfish of you.

YOU: Just because it's not big and obvious and made of rocks doesn't mean it's not a prison, dammit! Any one bar might be a minor obstacle, but there's always another one right next to it! LOOK!

FAN: That's not a bar.

YOU: Yes. It. Is.

FAN: No, sorry, I'm really not seeing it. I think you might just be over-sensitive to this whole "bar" thing. I can sympathize. I know that you've had to deal with bars in the past. But I think it's just made you read too much into things.

YOU: F**** it. (pulls out a spoon and begins chipping away at the moorings)

FAN: HEY! You're ruining my hobby!


nightlibrarian said...

Great writing, excellent points. It's basically applicable to all arguments with sexists.

Evan said...

This was hilariously well-written and extremely thought-provoking. I am going to share this with everyone.